He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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