ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
