i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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