You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize