I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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