1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How external is "for external use only"?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
