take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
