If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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