OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
