found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
