First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
