They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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