we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Enjoy the penises
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
