whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
