ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
