I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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