Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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