Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
