She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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