I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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