yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
