ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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