Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
