in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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