my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
