I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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