Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
