Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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