i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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