You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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