omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
