I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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