OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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