happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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