I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
