Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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