I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dick very happy bro
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
