I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
