did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
