My hand turned me down
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
