He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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