i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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