hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
