no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
