As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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