What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
