You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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