She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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