Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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