Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
