hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
