Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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