How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
