i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
