We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
