the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Two words: nipple clamps
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