We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is my gift to your gina
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
