trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
