I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize