did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
