Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize