You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
