evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
